So, I asked my friends to give me ideas of what to write about and I got an interesting one. Write about the perspective of a girl who just lost her boyfriend. So, that's what I'm going to write about.

As I sat in class, thoughts of that night kept rushing through my mind. I had told him that he should wear a helmet, at least at night. His motorcycle had been on the news. I saw the blood. I was there less than ten minutes after seeing it on tv. His body was nearly unrecognizable, but the bracelet on his wrist couldn't be mistaken by my eyes. The motorcycle was mangled against the pole and his body was flung into the building nearby. The brick had cracked and his body lay destroyed on the pavement. The pool of blood didn't stop me, I collapsed next to his body. The cops nearby tried to stop me, but I screamed and cried for them to let me stay. I told them not to touch the body. I told them that I needed awhile. I was covered in his blood. My pant legs were soaked from where I had collapsed. It was my only pair of jeans. The rest had been torn to shreds. I remember them lifting off of the ground, taking me to the ambulance nearby, and cleaning me up while people cleaned up the body and investigated the crash. News cameras were everywhere. They had captured my incident. The memory was burned into my mind. I couldn't make it disappear. It kept creeping back in and playing over and over again. He had been ready to marry me. I had been devoted to him. I couldn't stand the thought of losing him, yet it had happened.
The teacher called my name, but I didn't hear it. I was too lost in my brain. She walked over to me and tapped me on the shoulder. I snapped out of the daze I was trapped in and looked up to see her worried face. Her eyes were filled with a sense of regret. I could tell she had seen the news and my little outburst. People had tried to get words from me since that day. It had only been three days since the accident. I hadn't taken a day off of school for the fear that I would lose the will to live. I didn't want to disappear. The teacher sent me from the room. She said I shouldn't be in class after such a tragedy and that I could go to the nurse or get some fresh air and that I wouldn't be expected to return. I grabbed my bags and in a haze walked out of the classroom door with everyone watching me. I wasn't embarrassed. I had no reason to be. I had been through a tragedy and everyone, even the principal, knew that I was going through a bad time. I decided finally that I would go and talk to the counselor.
The second that I walked into the dinky office, the secretaries knew what I was there for. I didn't fake a smile, or pretend that I was okay. For once, I actually broke down and cried. They sent me back to the even smaller office. I had never talked to anyone so I wasn't sure how to deal with it. He seemed nice enough with his concerned look and not fake smile. He knew what had happened. He asked me questions and I spilled my guts to him. I nearly barfed from the feeling of letting someone in. I couldn't believe that someone would actually know what was happening to me. I told him that I didn't have suicidal thoughts or anything so medication or therapy wasn't a need. I just needed to tell someone. I needed to get the memories out so that someone knew what was going on in my mind. I explained that I didn't want to go home, but that I didn't want to go to class. He gave me a pass so I could wander and do what I needed to.
I walked through the halls, passing people I knew and didn't. People watched me oddly. I was wearing a skirt, nobody ever saw me in a skirt. I had had no time to buy new jeans or attempt to wash the bloody ones. I had kept them for whatever reason. One of my guy friends walked up to me and didn't say a word. He just walked next to me. He knew no words were needed, I just needed someone there. He ditched his last classes of the day to be there for me. We sat by a tree and I wrote, he watched me nervously. Everyone was expecting a mental breakdown, but I wasn't the type. He knew that. Then all of a sudden tears ran down my face and I was incapable of stopping them. He held me and stroked my hair. I kept crying for about a half an hour. He was still there when I needed him though. I curled up next to him and he held me there until the bell rang. He then picked me up and carried me and our stuff to his car. He drove me home in silence.
I didn't want to be alone so he stayed with me, watching movies and listening to music. His mom called several times, but he didn't answer. He was going to get in trouble and I told him he should probably leave, but he never did. He knew I needed him. My mom was out of town. This was her house. My dad lived in another state. I didn't see much of him. So he decided he was going to stay with me until my mother got back. He made me tea and I curled up in his lap until I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was still in his arms. He was sleeping sitting up. He didn't care. I knew that. I got up and made myself more tea. I washed my face and fixed my hair. I looked terrible. Crying and sleeping afterwards don't mix well. He woke up while I was washing my face and made himself coffee.
I went and curled up on the couch again. I wasn't sure what to feel. I had cried for almost three hours straight because everything reminded me of my loss. I decided, after only four days, that I needed to get over him. I was a strong individual and it was a need not a want. I pushed aside the fact that I had lost my one true love and decided it was time to forget what I had lost and remember what good it was when I had him. The life I had had with him was amazing. The life after him should still be amazing. If I remembered what was good in this life and not what was bad I could get through it. By having that mentality I was ready to do what I needed.
I took a shower. Got dressed in another skirt and went to the stores. I bought new clothes, shoes, anything to get my mind away from my loss. My guy friend watched me do all of this confused. I had gone from crying for hours on end to shopping. How could I bounce back so quickly? The truth is, I didn't. I simply let my heart lead me to what I needed to do instead of letting my sense of grief carry me through my days.

Confusion in Happiness (Writing)

Happiness. It burns within me like the fire from the sun. For once this year I laugh uncontrollably, I blush when I see him, my heart cannot be controlled. People say I'm happy. I just hope that I don't crash and burn as usual. Being happy is strange for me. I don't know how to handle it. I'm used to being so dark and depressed all the time. This is a nice change, but it's kinda frightening me. I wasn't even this happy with my other love. That is why this is scaring me so much. I smile for no reason. It's so bizarre and out of the ordinary. I feel like a little girl again. I giggle for Christ sake! I know most people would take this much better, but I'm dark and evil. This shit honestly doesn't happen to people like me.

Unnamed (Thoughts)

Walking to lunch nearly gives me a heart attack. I know I'm going to see him. He'll be there, he'll stare, he'll laugh, he'll joke. His movements will captivate me. His touch will run shivers down my spine. Looking into his eyes, I'll be lost unintentionally. He'll hide behind his hair. That soft, beautiful hair. The way he walks will distract me. Thoughts will rush into my mind. I want to be in those arms. I want to touch that hair. I want to be the one he looks at. To be the one he's thinking of. I'll be annoying just to get his attention. I'll laugh over ridiculous things. My mind will be constantly filled with thoughts. Against my will, I am falling for him. With every fiber of my being, I am unsure. I miss the one who stole my heart. I think about him every single day, I long to touch him. To kiss him. To be with him once more, yet I know that alternate reality won't occur. No matter how often I wish it to be true. So, I have unintentionally and unwillingly fallen for another. He makes me feel almost exactly the way that the other makes me feel, but without the physical side of things. I'm content falling for him without making out, or hugging, or other various things. No not what you're thinking lol. For the first time, in a long time, I finally think I'm moderately happy again. He has brought the life that was taken from me back from the dead. My heart still belongs to that other being, but I think I may slowly be gaining it back. I want to have that physical side of things with this boy, but I'm content just being friends for now. He's one of the most amazing boys I have met in a very long time. He teases me, when I push he pushes back, he won't let me control him, he is amazing in that sense. I need someone to actually push back. That may be one of the reasons that I am, in fact, falling hard for him. So, as I said before, against my will, I have fallen in love again. :)

Easier Times (Poem)

I keep living a lie

There is no turning back

I'm travelling the world

With this lie around my neck

The life I had before this

Was so much easier

I was able to sleep at night

And days were not a blurr

The lie around my neck

May turn into a noose

I cannot stop it's growing

And I am soon to lose

Saved (Random Thoughts)

I have been saved. My heart was longing for someone who was nearly out of reach. Then another came along and his recently single status has sparked my interest. He's amazing and gorgeous and makes me laugh when I want to cry and he has truly saved my heart from the deep depression it was in. I feel renewed, but it's bittersweet. If I let him in I could get hurt again like I have been many times before, but I absolutely adore him and I wish deeply for him to be mine. I am extremely jealous when he flirts with other girls. I become possessive of my crushes but not outwardly possessive. I more get a feeling in the pit of my stomach because I wish he was flirting with me not some other random chick. I flirt all the time with other guys and I can only wonder if he feels the same jealousy I feel. If we were together it would be pure magic on my part. Just being near him makes me giggle like a little girl and smile against my will. I'm sure I blush like no other as well. He came along when I had no heart and rejuvenated what little pieces I had left. I have him to thank for that. I'm just afraid that whatever I do have left he'll steal and destroy just like what happened with the one who I thought was my soul mate. I have no idea what to do but writing about it made me feel much better. I'm done for now and I'm going to go ponder what to do.

Heartbreak (Rant)

Broken, beat, and scarred. My heart has been through more pain than any should. It's been numb, alive, in love, ripped in half, destroyed on the pavement, stopped, died, been beaten to the point where I couldn't possibly recognize it. The torment of the heart will never be stopped. Disappointment, heartbreak, death, loss of love, loss of will, anything possible will rip it to shreds because it can endure the pain and stress put on it. There is no way to keep a heart safe. You can put as many walls as you can around it. You can bind it and suffocate it to the point of no feeling but someone will come along, rejuvinate the life you once felt, and destroy your heart leaving it hopeless on the pavement.

Confusion (Life Problems)

Alright so my friend is kinda depressed. His girlfriend broke up with him and although I'm truly falling for him I feel really bad. I'm concerned and honestly it's hard to make me actually care for someone that much. He seems very distant and just not right. I have no idea how to help him. He's not the kind of person to take things very seriously. He's absolutely gorgeous and amazing and I want to pay absolute attention to him everytime I'm near him. I antagonize him just to get his attention. I'm seriously concerned for his health right now though. I think he's just like me in the way that his mind works. He hides as much of his emotions as he can and laughs like no other when he really feels a need to be different than that. Why he's confiding in me I will never know. People come to me with their problems but not him. I went to him with a problem once, but that problem is irrelevent seeing as my so called true love decides not to talk to me and be a gigantic ass face whenever I attempt a conversation. I'm not sure what to do about that either. Then to add onto this huge mess I have a boy who is sweet and funny and kind that I'm sure is falling hard for me but I feel no connection there. His personality is great but I have been with two guys like that and I walked all over them. I'm terrible in a relationshit because I have a very hard time thinking of anyone but myself. I'm very selfish but that is how a teenager is supposed to be. I feel like such a tease sometimes because I am really not looking for a connection anymore. I found who I want and I can't be with him because for one he's taken and for two I'm almost positive he doesn't feel the same way about me. I mean honestly how could he? I am exactly like him. We're both looking first and foremost for a physical attraction and the physical aspects of a relationshit. That was all I wanted from him until I realized I was absolutely and irrevocably in love with him. Now he's tossed me from his life like a used rag even though he supposedly still loves me. I was never officially with him to tell you the truth. We were what many would call friends with benefits but losing him was like losing a boyfriend. He was so sweet to me but he would push back. I have a way with just picking at people and finding what gets to them and messing with them constantly. He was able to deal with that and I never wanted to fight with him like I do with other people. He was absolutely amazing in so many ways. He was my perfect match but I suppose when you lose someone your bound to feel like this. No he didn't die or anything he just moved and found a replacement. She's much prettier and probably a lot more happy than I could ever be. She's much better for him and as much as I say that I can't agree with it. I can't admit to the fact that someone could replace me.