Breaking Up (Random Thoughts)

Being broken up with is a very strange feeling. It's like you know you're losing them, but really nothing has changed. They seem to take your heart with them, and you feel like something is missing. You want to talk to them and you still have feelings for them, but you aren't "allowed" to act on them. I have a long history of acting on those feelings and it always fucks me up in the end, but what can I say. I want them to still have feelings for me and I hope that they aren't just trying to use me. Somehow, though, I stay on their minds. Like I'm a recurring disease they just can't seem to get rid of. They are just as tempting to me as I am to them. Like candy to a person on a diet. I want to be with them, but I pull myself away so I don't cause any damage. It's like falling in a dream, you wait for the impact, but stop yourself just before and wake up. Your heart still beats fast and you need some time to recover, but no real damage was done.

Dreaming after breaking up seems to bring forth memories of all my past relationships. The boys tempt me in my dreams and try to show me what we could do now. Dancing around, teasing me with their smells and voices. Their faces burned into my memory like a scar that just won't fade. I am cursed with vivid memory and realistic dreams. If only I could simply forget those who have hurt me, and live in a peaceful world without longing and sorrow.