Just Some Food For Thought

Recently I've had a few older people ask me if I know what my tattoos will look like when I'm their age. My response was simply, I don't care. In my opinion they are like scars. A reminder of the past. If they become warped it will be because I lived a good life. My body is mine and I don't care how it will look when I'm older. Who will I have to impress at that point? Plus, if I can paint myself now and become something unique, I'm going to. May as well do it while I still have the body to.

Those who try to tell me I'm going to regret my tattoos when I'm older are obviously not thinking about the things they represent to me. One is for a dear friend of mine who decided it was his time to go. The tattoo has such a deep meaning to me that I don't care if it gets warped or faded because it will always be a part of him attached to me in a way. I will always have him close to me.

Another is for my family. It represents them as well as other aspects of my personality. I want to be able to tell my children and grandchildren about all the things that my tattoos will represent. And besides, when I'm older I will have earned whatever damages have occurred to my body and I will wear them proudly, including every single faded, warped, damaged tattoo that I will have.

It's better to be a worn out masterpiece than simply worn out. I will wear my ink proudly and be a walking canvas until the day that I die.

~Serena~

Z (Poem)

My heart bursts

The sky is on fire

Nothing is real

I can't stand it

I'm falling faster

You make me feel

Things I've forgotten

No restraint

Raw emotion

At it's finest

I'm insane

You pull it out

It rears it's head

Taking control

Slowly creeping

Threatening me

I reject emotion

But you make it show

Unlike anyone before

I love you

As cliche as it sounds

You are the light

I've been waiting for

Though we'll be apart

I will always be there

Lingering in your mind

Like you linger in mine

Untitled (Poem)

The world cries for you

I can't sleep, can't eat

There is no meaning

To anything around me

Lyrics weaved by geniuses

Cry out the words in my heart

Never knowing your thoughts

Slowly burns a hole in my heart

I wish I could've been there

When you needed me most

Wish I could've stopped

All of the things going wrong

Ended your lonliness

Gave you a hand to hold

Through all the pain

And all the sadness

Writhing in your soul

But now you're up there

Or maybe down below

But I know the sadness

Has stopped taking it's toll

On your worn out mind

I wish you knew

The weight of your decision

Before you took every bit

That I had let you have

Of my now weeping soul

Smoke (Poem)

Smoke rises

Flowing gracefully

Peacefully entranced

By it's surroundings

Living by it's own laws

Disregarding all around it

Twisting freely

Dancing to it's own rhythm

Embracing it's death

With a slow drift

Into pure oblivion

Breaking Up (Random Thoughts)

Being broken up with is a very strange feeling. It's like you know you're losing them, but really nothing has changed. They seem to take your heart with them, and you feel like something is missing. You want to talk to them and you still have feelings for them, but you aren't "allowed" to act on them. I have a long history of acting on those feelings and it always fucks me up in the end, but what can I say. I want them to still have feelings for me and I hope that they aren't just trying to use me. Somehow, though, I stay on their minds. Like I'm a recurring disease they just can't seem to get rid of. They are just as tempting to me as I am to them. Like candy to a person on a diet. I want to be with them, but I pull myself away so I don't cause any damage. It's like falling in a dream, you wait for the impact, but stop yourself just before and wake up. Your heart still beats fast and you need some time to recover, but no real damage was done.

Dreaming after breaking up seems to bring forth memories of all my past relationships. The boys tempt me in my dreams and try to show me what we could do now. Dancing around, teasing me with their smells and voices. Their faces burned into my memory like a scar that just won't fade. I am cursed with vivid memory and realistic dreams. If only I could simply forget those who have hurt me, and live in a peaceful world without longing and sorrow.

Fire (Poem)

Fire

It burns within

Reaching out to touch the world

Ever growing, ever changing

Feasting off of everything

Inferno of power

Rage and lust all in one

Enough to destroy both you and I

Fear will grow in your heart

I will destroy you and you know it

Revenge is sweet, I will be satisfied

Even as the fire dies in your eyes

Do you think of me? (Poem)

When you fall

I'll be the first to laugh

When she finds out

I'll probably be the one who told her

I hope your life falls apart

And I hope you get back the karma

That was thrown at me

Fuck you and your life

I hate what you've done to me

Never again will I think of you

I hope every time she's under you

You think of me

I hope every time you kiss her

My face pops into your head

I hope you think of me

When you're fucking her

You will never get me out

Because, babe, once I'm there

Your mind is mine

You ain't ever getting it back

Thank you for letting me in

Have a nice fucking life

~Serena~